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Simon Haines

Mickey Mouse Politics


We’ve painted over the cartoons

on your asylum centre walls

to make absolutely sure you know

that you’re not welcome here.


If you can’t believe we’re nasty

and try running rings around us,

we’ll lock the doors to the world outside,

make sure you can’t get out.


And if you smile too happily,

or look healthy and well-fed,

we’ll lock you in a darkened room,

feed you water and dry bread.


Blame your selfish parents,

if you arrived here all alone.

But never fear, we’ll send you back

To your cruelly war-torn home.

Pledging Allegiance


They wanted me to pledge allegiance

to the newly crowned King Charles

to speak some words I wouldn’t mean

on the day of his [abdication] Coronation.

They’re offering me a[n active] passive role

In this [histrionic] historic occasion.

Left to my own [advices] devices

I might be tempted to say:

“I hereby [dredge] pledge my loyalty 

to you, most [affable] laughable symbol 

of inequality to [fool] rule our land.

We accept our [expensive] offensive subjugation

working our arses off, smiling beguilingly.

Heil Hail to the great landowner

You’re a [sample] example to all 

who would scale the greasy pole

so as better to [spit] shit on us below 

who beg for a share of the [soils] spoils!

I was taught to be polite, 

so I won’t say such things.

I’ll restrict myself to [rapid] vapid thoughts:

“Are you not [proclaimed] ashamed to be so different

from those you call your [objects] subjects?
And what of the [bravery] slavery your family 

relied on to buy [phalluses] palaces, castles, and moors? 

Don’t you feel just a little bit [queasy] sleazy?

Simon Haines was born in May 1946, Northwich, Cheshire. He has written poetry since the age of 7 when he won second prize in a national poetry competition for writing an extra verse to ‘Old Mother Hubbard’. He wrote sporadically during his career as a language teacher, but in addition to teaching, he was also writing ESOL textbooks and articles for music magazines. Covid lockdowns gave him more time and more subjects to write about and he spends a lot of his time now writing articles and poems. In his spare time he is in a number of folk music bands playing for dancing as well as in a group which composes and plays music to accompany poetry, currently with the poet Blake Morrison.

Lost Or Double-Crossed


finding snow aglow on the ground

grass like glass in morning frost

no sun yet to get us warm

sleeping rough is tough

under bridges freezing fridges in

threadbare clothes those charities give us


humans lost or double-crossed

by lopsided or misguided structures

aiding neither poor nor homeless 

but letting in the few who queue

to pass the test and line their nest

gratifyng greed not need


we’d like to think a chink in their shield

might bring about their final fall - all

tumbling while mumbling their innocence

neither innocent nor decent but guilty as charged

clutching their wealth by stealth acquired

they’ve always screwed you and spewed you out.

bedroom tax
Sheriff Stars

thistles stretch their prickly arms afar

Black Triangle
Disrupt and Upset

Militant Thistles

prickling the politics of "permanent austerity"

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